


THE CASE OF THE OVERRIPE PINEAPPLE WITH A KEY HIDDEN IN IT: A Nepeta / Samuels Detective Adventure

by itsrose



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23438692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose
Summary: They've done it again.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	THE CASE OF THE OVERRIPE PINEAPPLE WITH A KEY HIDDEN IN IT: A Nepeta / Samuels Detective Adventure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsdave](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/gifts).



> Please read the last volume of Pesterquest instead of this, if you have to choose.

NEPETA: Let's get going!  
SAMUELS: Woof! Bark!  
NEPETA: What?  
SAMUELS: RUFF BAARK!  
NEPETA: No way, I don't do that roleplaying stuff anymore!  
NEPETA: And I can't use my old typing quirk while talking anyway, silly!  
NEPETA: From now on I am devoting 100 perfect of my energy on proper grammar and detecting!  
NEPETA: *Dons detective's fedora*  
NEPETA: LET'S HIT IT BYETCH  
SAMUELS: RUFFA RUFFA!  


NEPETA AND SAMUELS LEAP INTO THE CAMARO AND PEEL OUT OF THE PARKING LOT  


SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: You can say that again, Samuels!  
SAMUELS: Bark!!  
NEPETA: Haha ok  


NEPETA CRANKS THE WHEEL HARD TO THE RIGHT, NARROWLY SCRAPING BY A BOAT!! IN THE ROAD!! BECAUSE THESE STORIES ARE RANDOM LOL  


NEPETA: Okay, Samuels, now that we've parked the car, we can break in and arrest the perp! That's the one who did the crime!  
SAMUELS: Okay  
NEPETA: LET'S DO IT!  
NEPETA: Hey it's the police, open up!  
JOHN: hello i am john egbert come to see what you are here for  
JOHN: hello  
NEPETA: HELLO!  
JOHN: :)  
NEPETA: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!  
JOHN: :(  
SAMUELS: woof  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: Samuels I'm so tired  
NEPETA: I'm so tired and sleepy.  
NEPETA: Can you cuff him and drive us home (the police station)?  
SAMUELS: Bark!  


SAMUELS CUFFS JOHN WITH THE HANDFUCKS AND CARRIES HIM TO THE POLICE CAR WHERE HE IS CHUCKED IN THE BACKSEAT.  


JOHN: oh i like being in the backseat of the car  
JOHN: i like thinking of backseats of cars because of terezi and what we done  
NEPETA: YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AND BACK SEATS OF CARS AND TEREZI THOUGHTS TO THINK ABOUT TEREZI WHERE YOU'RE GOING, PAL, IDIOT!  
JOHN: :)  
NEPETA: THE SLAMMER (PRISON)!  
JOHN: :(  
NEPETA: Okay  


THE CAR PULLS INTO THE POLICE STATION PARKING LOT. NEPETA GETS OUT AND TAKES A LONG DRAG ON HER CIGARETTE SHE'S SMOKING. A WINDOW ON THE SECOND STORY SLIDES OPEN AND A FAMILIAR HEAD POPS OUT, I THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE IS...  


KARKAT: GET IN HERE!  
KARKAT: GET THE FUCK IN HERE YOU NEED TO COME IN  
KARKAT: I NEED YOU TO BRING IN THE SUSPECT WHO DID IT  
KARKAT: GET UP HERE PLEASE GET UP HERE COME ON  
KARKAT: NEPETA AND SAMUELS MY BEST DETECTIVES I NEED YOU TO COME INSIDE WITH JOHN  
KARKAT: COME INSIDE PLEASE GET UP HERE COME INSIDE BRING HIM IN  
KARKAT: HE NEEDS TO BE HERE IN HERE AND WE'LL QUESTION HIM YOU SEE!!  
KARKAT: OKAY I'LL CLOSE THE WINDOW BUT YOU HAD BETTER BRING HIM UP I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS A TIME MACHINE POLICE STATION THAT LETS YOU TAKE ALL DAY TO GET JOHN UP HERE SO WE CAN ASK HIM QUESTIONS PROVING HE DID IT  
KARKAT: DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE KIND OF POLICE STATION THIS IS? BECAUSE I'M SORRY TO SAY YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN.  
NEPETA: YEAH, WE'LL BE UP WITH JOHN MOMENTARILY!  
NEPETA: He's so cute.  
NEPETA: Isn't he cute, Samuels?  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: Haha don't get any FUCKING ideas, Samuels!!  


THEY ALL GO IN TOGETHER AND INTO KARKAT'S OFFICE. HE IS SLAMMING HIS OPEN PALM ONTO THE DESK REPEATEDLY AS HARD AS HE CAN. IT SEEMS HE HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR SEVERAL MINUTES AND THERE IS NO INDICATION HE WILL STOP ANYTIME SOON.  


NEPETA: Hello  
KARKAT: HELLO! GOOD JOB CATCHING HIM!  
KARKAT: GREAT WORK NEPETA AND SAMUELS DETECTIVE ADVENTURES. YOU'RE ON THE FAST TRACK TO BEING PROMOTED TO *OTHER* POLICE CHIEF KARKAT!  
KARKAT: AND YOU, YOU BIG CRIME SICKO!  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?  
JOHN: crime is bad and i didnt do it  
KARKAT: NOPE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE TO SAY, "I LOVE DOING CRIME I AM BAD AND JOHN!!"  
KARKAT: "I DEFINITELY DID IT, I AM JOHN AND NOT SORRY."  
KARKAT: "IN FACT I-"  
KARKAT: HOLY SHIT SAMUELS YOU DON'T NEED THAT IN HERE.  
NEPETA: Samuels!! Put the gun away!  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: What!? Samuels!! Put it away!  
NEPETA: We've already got him!  
KARKAT: OFFICER SAMUELS I ORDER YOU TO PUT AWAY THE GUN! POLICE CHIEFS CAN GIVE ORDERS, RIGHT?  
NEPETA: Samuels!!  
NEPETA: Oh my God Samuels why are you pointing that at police chief Karkat Vantas the troll!!  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: What?? Samuels the stress of the job is getting to you! I just knew you shouldn't have taken this one last case (even though we're still gonna have a ton of adventures together)!  
SAMUELS: Woof!  
NEPETA: That's insane!  
KARKAT: I DEFINITELY DIDN'T!  
SAMUELS: BARK  
KARKAT: NO  
NEPETA: SAMUELS NO PUT IT DOWN  
JOHN: woah  
NEPETA: AAHH SAMUELS PUT IT DOWN  
SAMUELS: BARK!  
KARKAT: OKAY AAAAAAHHHH  
KARKAT: OOOOOOH WAAAAA  
KEPETA: SAMUELDS!!! THE GUN PUT!  
SMAUELS: BARK BARK  
KENTETA: THE GUN DOWN!  
KARKAT: AAAAAAAA  
NEPETA: WWWAAAA  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: OOOOOOOO WAAA  


BLAM!  


KARKAT: FUCK SHITASS  
NEPETA: Oh my god you shot police commissioner Karkat Vantas, thus proving that he actually did it!  
KARKAT: IT'S TRUE!  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
KARKAT: I DID IT!  
KARKAT: IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME, THE PERSON THAT HAD DONE IT, FROM THE START!  
SAMUELS: Bark!  
NEPETA: Wow!!!  
NEPETA: You're going away for a long time, for the pineapple key crime!  
KARAKAT: NOOOOOOOOOOOO  
SAMEULS: Bark!  


LATER...  


NEPETA: Another crime well solved, Samuels!  
SAMUELS! : BARK!  
NEPETA: Haha, I think it will, Samuels!  
NEPETA: I think it will.  


THE END.  



End file.
